March 20, 2019

trying to figure it all out.

Somewhere between "God's plan" and "God quit playin!"😩



I'm writing this blog entry, bleary eyed and exasperated. Normally I wouldn't blog this way and I should probably step away from my laptop but eh...I'm not above sharing the bad times, this blog is not intended to be a highlight reel. 
Knowing me, I'll hit publish and a calm wave of rationale will engulf me with an outlook on life less bleak than my current, possibly regretting the overshare, but right now this is what I need. A brain dump of all my thoughts and suppressed emotions plaguing me. 

If you couldn't tell I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I seriously cannot believe its mid-March!!! I feel like the years moving so fast and I've gained little in return for all the time and effort I've been inputting into different areas of life.
Disappointingly, I'm still job hunting and its such a time consuming, tiring, defeating process. Some days I wake up feeling immobilised, like my life is at this standstill waiting to get off the ground and with every rejection email or lack there of, grows the emotion I'm seeping deeper underground. 

Not going to lie to you folks, I don't feel planted. 🌱 I feel buried

While I pride myself on my ability to be independent and a master of many skills, especially when it comes to content production for my blogging/Instagram, at times, like today, the feeling of doing everything alone overwhelms me. There are a million and one things to do and only one, over-caffeinated, sleep deprived, holding-on-to-my-dreams-as-tight-as-I-can ME.🙃

The feeling that my body is literally falling apart is definitely not helping my mood either. When I'm not lying horizontally nursing day 4 of a migraine, I've found myself using the internet to self-diagnose every lump, bump, pain and strain in my body. You know what's funny 90% of my pain symptoms are very common in people who are athletic, which is even more funny because I do ZEROOOOOOOOO exercise!!! So how Sway? 🤷🏾‍♀️
My GP wants to refer me to physio, which will take another 6 weeks for me to get an appointment and after all that waiting they will only give me basic stretching exercises and if I'm super lucky, acupuncture. I'm thinking of booking a deep tissue massage because I wake up everyday with neck pain, and bless my mum for trying, but I need someone who knows what they're doing to "put them paws on me".

Admittedly my diet has been all over the place, when your at home for the majority of the day takeaway delivery is sooo easy. I know I should cook but I feel like I cant waste time stepping away from my laptop to do it, unless its to make another coffee! So a poor diet + stress = larger FUPA than normal and my hair is breaking loads. I've gone from neck length to just below my chin. This is the worst I've ever seen my hair.

In my anxiety filled state I cant even comfortably listen to my lit Spotify playlists or watch TV in peace without the latest cervical screening ad popping up, killing the vibe and sending me into uncontrollable panic that I keep forgetting to book an appointment and ignored all the invites to do so last year.🤦🏽‍♀️ 

"You could do with a holiday Lavinya"...yup your probably right but the fact I've yet to tick "find a job" off from my daily to-do-list means my brain wont even entertain anything that isn't career related. My mum is really on me to book something, it's a regular conversation I end up running from. I just feel pressure. Bless her, she's even offered to pay for me which I'm sure everyone would jump at the offer but I cant help feeling like it should be me treating her and all I can think about is how I don't have a consistent income to fund this, how I don't have a job, how I don't have time to think about passport renewals and visa's and I cant relax into holiday planning until I feel secure in my future. So, after much deliberation, I don't think I have a choice but to go back to my old temping gig 😭. The idea literally makes me cry because its an environment I thought I had moved on from indefinitely, but I need money 💰💰💰 its as simple as that. I guess for the time being I'm going to have to do some things I (really x infinity) don't want to, especially if I want my account balance to stop giving me the side-eye. f*$% adulting.

🗣️Woooooosah. 

Ok so I'm done ranting, venting, sharing, publicly telling the world what a mess I am right now. I mean I've literally wrote a post about how I'm feeling shit so if you read it all, thank you 🙏🏽 and sorry?

My plans this evening? I'll probably have another cry lol, finish watching the Dirty John doc, get a good nights rest and wake up (God willing) to tackle life again in the morning. Funny how life is so rubbish at the moment yet I still hope I'm blessed with another day to live it, guess theres fight in the old dog yet...

Shout-out to the people trying to figure it all out. I'm rooting for us.

February 23, 2019

a few of my favourite things.

 Alexa, play "Gold" by Spandau Ballet...


I noticed the other day that I've been building quite a collection of gold jewellery and fun accessories, so I thought I would share my favourites with you and link pieces where I can. 


ACCESSORIES

I received this Oliver Bonas bracelet as a gift from the Wingfield PR team as a goodbye present at the end of my internship. I've not worn a bangle in years, but this piece is so light that I sometimes forget I have it on, until I'm complimented on it. Such a sweet gift. 

Gold bobby pins are the most inexpensive way of jazzing up your hairstyles and subtly taking part in the hair clip craze that seems to have taken over Instagram. 'Teen me' is also screaming that scrunchies have come back as a thing. I struggled to make any accessory work in my hair. The struggle was most definitely real. We thank God for hair extensions, Youtube tutorials and developed knowledge of how to handle my own hair...yes 'Teen me', it gets better 🙏🏽.




EARRINGS

I've turned into quite the Magpie when it comes to gold earrings, they're just so shiny and beautiful. You cant help but feel like your Sade in pair of gold hoops and these statement shell drop earrings make me feel like I've got my life all the way together; so chic, so luxe.

NECKLACES

If you remember my posts from back in the day, you will remember that I was obsessed with chunky statement necklaces. The bigger the better, I wanted everyone to see I was wearing a necklace. Back then dainty chains did not appeal to me and it frustrated me how they would get lost behind your tops neckline and become a tangled mess. Now I can't think of anything better than layering gold chains with varying lengths - that look becomes a statement in itself. 





RINGS & DIY

I love the look of stacked rings and I've been looking for a signet ring for a while, but they always seem so big. So while rooting around my old jewellery stash I came across an ASOS ring from many years ago and inspiration struck! I took my black nail varnish and painted the stone. Voila!

The chunkier "rings" that you see are actually cuff earrings that I've repurposed. I was inspired by jewellery brand Wolf Circus, who sell these beautiful solid, thick gold signet rings that are just ugghhh!

Sometimes its handy to take a look at the items you already have and consider if you could give it a new leese of life before spending money on something new.

The pinky ring is actually my baby ring. Never fit me then, doesn't fit me now lol but I like stubbornly stuffing it onto my pinky finger. On my more sensible days, I put it on a chain.LOL







Where are your favourite places to buy jewellery?

February 22, 2019

london fashion week AW19 street style.

It's time for some street talk...

So another season of London Fashion Week may be over, but lets take a minute to check out what the street stylers were wearing...


person walking while holding handbag