October 16, 2017




I've always had the best intentions with this blog but the worst follow through and life just wouldn't let me be great these past months, so I'm really sorry theres not been much action on here but let me explain whats been going on with me...

I would be the first to say that I have yet to nail "adulting"...in all seriousness who do I contact to raise a grievance for my unrealistic view that life is as easy as: get the grades, get the job, find the one, settle down, buy a house, buy a car, have children, live happily ever after...
Then again you only have to look on Instagram to see people you know (and dont know) achieving the above...and sometimes even more. BUT INSTAGRAM IS NOT REAL? Yea buddy I hear you, but that doesn't change the fact I've been stuck in a rut in many areas of my life for too long, especially in my work life.

Work and money aren't everything when you prioritise them above your actual life and you know what else no one is going to put your life first, thats on YOU and you alone.
The first six months of 2017 taught me these lessons the hard way and in July when I finally opened myself to really listen I handed in my (very overdue) resignation letter, it was time to jump off the hamster wheel I had let run my life for the last four years.

I am finally free!!

then reality comes knocking...

Leaving my job was hands down the best decision I've made for myself in a long while, I dont regret it for one minute, but I wasn't prepared for how it would affect me emotionally. I was unhappy in my job, like really hated it, but while I was ecstatic to be out of there, I also started to feel lost without it. I had made work my main focal for so long that without work, what was my purpose now?

When I started to envision my future I was afraid. I would cry and the question "What do I do now?" plagued me everyday and counteracted my positive thinking to fuelling days of doing nothing but watching TV, Youtube and scrolling Instagram. In the past I had always complained about not being able to look for another job because "I didn't have the time", I couldn't blog consistently because "I didn't have the time", I couldn't go to that event because "I didn't have the time" but here I was, in my dressing gown with plenty of time...and not an ounce of motivation. 

I remained in a lull, until my mum forced me to speak about my feelings, parents really do have this superhuman ability to help you rationalise your wild, wild, wild thoughts...lol I couldn't help itAnd I began to understand that I needed some time to decompress from it all,  my mind, body and soul was unpacking years of pent up energy and the mixed emotions were just a part of my healing process. 
it'S ok not to be ok! It was like dealing with a break up and I had broken up with the most unhealthiest situation. I was grieving and its important to grieve loss because loss freaking hurts and in order to get over it you need to acknowledge it, because if you dont and you move on too quickly sometimes your just deluding yourself you've really let it go

Yup, told you my Mum's a G...

Towards the end of August I started to feel better but I just couldn't bring myself to blog, sorryThen along came September, my birthday month and in true Lavinya style I began to evaluate my life: unemployed, single, still living at home, dust in my savings account and a dead social life.

I dont have my shit together AND I was turning another year older. 

*groan* reality sucks.



You may think that I was being too hard on myself but actually this "life evaluation" is probably just what I've needed to wake myself up.

If you were in debt you would look at where you've been going wrong with your money and plan how your going to better your financial situation...so why shouldn't you do this with your life! Everyone, every once in a while, should evaluate their life path/plan, just to make sure your still on the right track and guys I'm really not. Its human to naturally stay in our comfort zone. The comfort zone is our default setting of living that requires little effort at all, ultimately your a "someday" type of person. "Someday" people don't actively pursue living or their goals because their forever putting off what needs to be done until "someday" which means that four years can go by and your in the exact same place you started. Exhibit A: Me.

Honesty is a powerful tool, definitely by no means easy to face but very necessary if you really want to see change and if you find yourself where I am now, desperate for change, then were both in the middle of the road faced with two directions:


One nudges you into the path of change and the other keeps you in the life your accustomed to. Whatever you choose understand that your the only one accountable for that choice. Your in the driving seat of your life and from now on theres no room for excuses. 
I have chosen to 'Live my life by design' to actively turn "Someday" into NOW. It will require effort and I will encounter failures but as long as I'm still trying, I'm still moving forward.

I hope this inspires you the way it has inspired me, and that you realise theres no shame in starting again. All is not lost if you've fallen off your path...

Lavinya - x

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